he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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