I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
