Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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