i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
