Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
