47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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