So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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