You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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