yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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