I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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