That's intense
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
