i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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