dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
