"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
