There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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