I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
