He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
