I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
