My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
