girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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