i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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