i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
