You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
