Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
