he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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