It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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