Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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