You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
