Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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