Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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