Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
