Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
