She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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