honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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