i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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