i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
