just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Everyone says I win the strip club
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
