Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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