Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
