this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
