I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
