I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
