Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
