the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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