If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
