remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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