these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
