cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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