I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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