On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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