I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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