We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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