How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
