I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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