seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
