just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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