Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
