i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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