there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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