the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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