he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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