Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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