so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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