I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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