you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
