so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
