p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
