Will you blow on my dice?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
