I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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